Oh Julian,
Some mornings you are really tough to leave behind to head into work. Last week, I almost cried dropping you off at daycare because you woke up right before we had to leave and as usual, you were beaming with happiness to see me. Scooping you up and dropping you off was difficult...seeing you go from pure happiness thinking we could play all day, to realizing you were the only kiddo at daycare so early. I know you have fun there with Ms. P and Ms. Espy and all the kids close to your age, but I miss you fiercely when I'm away.
You've been having rougher days this past week and it's made you so snuggly. I hate that you don't feel great, but I secretly love all of your cuddles and how you just want to be with me or Daddy all of the time.
This week, for the first time ever, you crawled into my lap. I melted and teared up with emotion at the gesture. You've started to pull yourself up on toys and furniture and last night you came crawling over and pulled up on the sofa to tell me you wanted me to pick you up. If you keep it up, I'm going to have to buy stock in Kleenex and keep explaining to people that I'm okay..it's just that my son can finally deliberately show me affection and it melts me to a puddle!
This morning, you woke up before I needed to get ready for work so Daddy got you a bottle. While I was getting ready and you were back in your crib, I could hear your happy shrieks and playful sounds. When I finally made my way to the kitchen, it seemed like you went back to sleep. I tried to be quiet sneaking into the kitchen, hoping you wouldn't hear me or see me. I hate not getting to say good bye to you in the mornings, but sometimes it's easier to tiptoe out of the house while you're napping so Daddy can get some rest. It's harder now. When you were younger I could still sneak into your room while you slept and say goodbye. Now you're this ninja baby with crazy good ears and you hear me before I even get close to the doorknob! You saw me immediately and your happy shrieks danced around the house. I went into your room and hugged you and kissed you for a few minutes before I had to tear myself away to get to work on time. And my heart breaks a little again leaving you behind, hearing your calls for playtime and attention as I head out the door. I count the hours.
If I had a million dollars...I'd stay with you all day and we could snuggle and play, sweet baby. The older you get, the more personality shines through and the deeper my love grows.
Love you forever,
Mama
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